Steel Panther - If I Was the King

If I was the King I would get myself a bitchin' crown And I'd make all the bitches call me Sir Michael Starr I'd have a castle and a bitchin' throne And at night I'd go in the town In a big stretch Hummer with a hot tub and a bar If I was the King I would outlaw clothes for chicks So you could see if they shave their pussies Or if they're hiding dicks I'd lower the drinking age So little kids could get drunk too And I'd make it a fucking crime to wear a wedding ring If I was the King That'd be fuckin' nice right? I'd knock down all the schools And put up liquor stores And give free boob jobs to the strippers and the whores I would outlaw common sense Feed the homeless to the wolves And if you didn't like Steel Panther you'd go to jail! If I was the King I'd make beer the official food And you'd never have to take the trash out If you happen to be born a dude You could buy hand grenades at Starbucks And take a shit right on the street And I'd kill Katy Perry so I wouldn't have to hear her sing If I was the King, whoa Here comes the court jester, man, wow! And if the motherfucking peasants didn't like it I would tell them all to suck my dick Suck my dick Suck my dick Legalize masturbation At every strip joint in the nation And the minimum cup size would have to be a double D Oh yeah But if you were in a band You wouldn't have to use your hand There'd be mandatory blowjobs for guys like you and me! If I was the King Megan Fox would be my Queen But I'd still fuck Christie Brinkley And any girl older than 16 I'd execute One Direction And drop a nuke on the Middle East But I'd take the oil first so we wouldn't have to feel the sting If I was the King If I was the King If I was the King